You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
