you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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