the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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