And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
