fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
honey bunches of taint.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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