we're chasing vodka with high fives
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
