so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
