Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
