oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
