my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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