it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
