And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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