he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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