I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
