life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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