The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
