season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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