My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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