I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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