Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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