im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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