from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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