Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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