The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
