Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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