uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize