There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
