My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
COCAINE IS GR8
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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