M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
