I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
