Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Randomize
