I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
