I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
