Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
