I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
