I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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