Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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