Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
