filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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