Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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