In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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