Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
