I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
