Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
