i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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