I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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