if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have post one night stand depression
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