Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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