Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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