i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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