well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
