I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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