She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
