Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
