Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
