the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
