I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
