My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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