life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
