You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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