Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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