He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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