Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
